Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.
-Albert Einstein
My about page changes as much as I do. Although I live a rather circumscribed life I am in the habit of perpetual change. Constantly unhappy with some aspect of myself and trying to improve upon it. I wish to become not only the best version of myself but also the best person I possibly can be. It’s not a sense of glory or need to be perfect that drives me; rather, it’s the simple belief that there is enough pain in this world and I do not need to add to it.
Our actions, however small they may seem, can have profound and lasting impact on the world and on the people around us. From the food we eat to the smiles we give — we are not alone, even though we might feel we are.
I have an anxiety problem and recurring depression. I worry I will never be good enough, I’ll never achieve my dreams of becoming a philosopher or a photographer. I worry I’ll always be anxious.
I constantly worry the past will always affect my future. I worry I will always be a typical ACOA and that there is no redemption from the mistakes of our predecessors.
I went vegetarian because I could no longer stomach supporting factory farming. I went vegan to save myself from hypocrisy — dairy cows are treated horribly without the solace of slaughter. I’ll stay vegan for my love of the environment.
I am not religious but know a lot about religion. Not being religious also means not being spiritual. I am a sympathetic scientist. I do not believe that we should write of the unknown as unknowable. I do believe we should continue to pursue science, to understand ourselves and our world to the best of our abilities. I do not agree with some scientific advances – from pre-birth genetic changes to cloning.
I am political but hardly conform to one party. If pressed I will claim liberal democrat over anything. Libertarians and compatibilists confuse me, equally.
I prefer reading to television. Books to magazines. And being authentic to fitting in. I’ve never been a trend follower nor a trend setter – preferring instead to like the things I like because I like them.
In spite of my anxiety and depression I am a realist; often mistaken as a pessimist. I have high hopes for the future even though I worry about it. I believe people are good and being there for someone at the right moment can change the entire course of their life.
My depression is not only mine. While it affects me personally it affects those around me and I am perpetually afraid of overstepping the boundaries of friendship for my peace of mind. I am always interested in helping others with their problems as I know I often feel alone with mine.
I started Notes of Compassion in January of 2012 after beginning a book I received for Christmas. The book is called Field Notes on the Compassionate Life by Marc Ian Barasch and I think everyone should read it. I have always wanted to help people – my entire life I’ve wanted nothing more than to make sure no one ever felt the pain, feelings of inadequacy, the fear, and the constant feeling of being alone that I have struggled with since I was a child. I’ve been told multiple times that perhaps I want to help people in a twisted sense of if-I-fix-you-I’ll-fix-myself but I have never believed that. I want to help people because people deserve to be loved, people deserve to know they are not alone, and all people [and I mean all people] deserve to be loved.
My anxiety frequently keeps me from reaching out and thus keeps me from being the compassionate and kind person I want to be. Notes of Compassion is my attempt at overcoming my own personal hang-ups while working to be compassionate, kind, and loving.
I will forever think that Dostoevsky had it right when he said, “I have seen and I know that people can be beautiful and happy without losing the ability to live on Earth. I will not and cannot believe that evil is the normal condition of mankind.” I simply refuse. I may have to suffer the pain of mistaking a person for good when they are really evil but that is a risk I will take, happily, if only to continue believing that people are inherently good.
No matter how I end up in this world my only hope is that I am lucky enough to help people and make a difference, even if it’s small.
